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When I got home that night as
my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got
something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I
observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to
let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised
the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words,
instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away
the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That
night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew
she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had
lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just
pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement
which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30%
stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into
pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with
me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time,
resources and energy but I could not take back what I had
said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in
front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her
cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce
which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer
and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her
writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but
went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I
was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up,
she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she
didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice
before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we
both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her
reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time
and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she
asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal
room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for
the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the
front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just
to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She
laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what
tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said
scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her
out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His
words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the
sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters
with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly;
don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to
wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She
leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her
blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman
carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any
more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was
graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a
minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of
intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten
years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I
realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I
didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her
as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made
me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on
quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then
she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly
realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why
I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and
bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and
touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to
carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother
out had become an essential part of his life. My wife
gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I
turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the
hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I
held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day,
when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our
son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I
hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to
office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I
walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her,
Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.
Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head.
Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was
boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details
of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore.
Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our
wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us
apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud
slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I
walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the
way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The
salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us
apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on
my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed
-dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was
so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would
die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever
negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with
the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a
loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the
money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little
things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real
happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s
failures are people who did not realize how close they were
to success when they gave up.
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